Stumped by sticky kid questions? Take some answer tips
I'm constantly flummoxed by the off-the-wall questions I get from my kids. Like the time my older daughter, then 5, asked me why her stuffed-pig lovey doesn't have a penis. He's a boy, isn't he? My profound lack of adequate answers was never more clearly on display. I'm faced with stumpers like this practically every day, usually when I'm busy cooking dinner or driving down the highway. What do groundhogs eat? Why do mommies have milk in them and daddies don't? What number comes after twenty-'leven? Why isn't a tooth too heavy for the tooth fairy to carry? Can she fly with it? Will her wings break? What if she crashes? Face it, with kids, pretty much no topic goes unexplored. And while I can't help anyone with twenty-'leven (or, for that matter, the dining habits of groundhogs), I have found some answers to the questions you've probably asked. and understand -- detailed answers. It's also OK to say "I don't know, but I bet we can find out." That's what I did when Zoe, 5, asked me, "Why do trees grow for their whole lives but I don't?" I found some answers online -- and helped Zoe call up her grandfather, a scientist. for instance, at 2, many children begin to ask questions about body parts, especially if they have a sibling of the opposite sex. In preschool, they might ask about a pregnant woman's tummy: "How did the baby get in there? How will it get out?" It won't be until they're in grade school that most kids will think to wonder how the baby was made in the first place. So what you should do at any age is answer the specific question (calmly, so your kid knows you're a good source of info on this stuff). Then gradually offer more and more details as your child gets older. Parenting.com: Smart answers to kids' sex questions Lisa Sherman of New York City started simple when her daughter, Lily, then 4, asked (right on time developmentally) how the baby would get out of a friend's tummy. Sherman stalled by saying that the baby wouldn't be coming out for a while, then gave a basic answer: The doctor would help the baby come out. That made sense to Lily, who then moved on to easier questions about whether the baby would cry and what the baby would eat. Parenting.com: The birds and bees and curious kids Julie Tutt, a mom of four in Barrington, Rhode Island, says she nearly fainted one morning when her 4-year-old son, Ethan, called to her from the bathroom, "Mommy, why does it stand up like this?" With her husband at work and her two older daughters listening intently, Tutt found herself explaining that he had an erection and it was nothing to worry about. She added, "Run around for a while and it will come down. Then you can go to the potty." Ethan, satisfied, took her advice. Tutt's answer was a good one, says Faulkner. Kids often want solutions, not just explanations. how to answer all those questions Sometimes, patient and loving as you are, you just can't take it anymore. "For me, it's not the big questions," says Meredith Willson of West Hartford, Connecticut. "It's the constant, small, repeated questions that get to me. I can answer my 4-year-old's questions during the first read of a book, but by the 20th read, I am done." Cutting back on the queries can be as simple as saying "That's enough questions for now" or "Why don't you save your best questions to ask me at bedtime?" (Thankfully, your child will most likely forget most of them by then.) Then find a solution: When your child peppers you with queries, interpret it as a call for attention. If you can stop whatever you're doing to play or talk with your child for a little while, you might cut down on some of the "whys." Another option: Try redirecting your child to an activity she can do well on her own. She'll occupy herself with something she feels confident about, you'll get a quick break, and you'll build your energy back up for the next onslaught of questions. You'll need it! |
